Hugo Max’s Birth Story – Mama’s perspective
Dear Hugo Max,
I knew we were going to meet you on the 22nd of
May and this has something to do with your namesake – Max. She and her family
are a big part of our journey to meeting you but that is a story for another
time.
Your due date by our lovely obstetrician was 15th
of May. At one point we thought you were going to come sooner. I had put the
start date for my parent leave to commence on the 22nd of May
because statistically first borns come a week after their due date which makes
you think why don’t they predict due dates at 41 weeks... And here we are – I
always said to your Mum that you would be punctual. She always said that you
would arrive in the early hours of the morning. We were both right. Having said
that you were preparing for your grand entry Earthside about 2 weeks in advance
and so that really kicked me into gear – I tried to prepare everything
necessary for work to go on without me (as excited as I was to possibly meet
you earlier than expected I was secretly hoping you’d wait until some point in
the 20s which would mean I wouldn’t have to return back to work to Year 11
drama assessment and reporting – so a big thank you! My replacement funnily
enough also named Max will do that for me – happy days).
And so since you started early labour 2 weeks in advance we
attentively looked for signs of progression. The early labour signs were very
mild contractions that were irregular – a bit more intense than Braxton hicks.
We’re fortunate that your mum convinced me that the best
model of care would be a private midwife so that we could have a home birth.
Now Hugo, it didn’t take me too long to agree that this model of care would be
fitting for us – while I had some trepidation my mind was put at ease quite
quickly and my only condition was that we have 2 midwives present at the home
birth. It turned out that the midwife company we had chosen has the exact same
policy – happy days. It has been wonderful to go from a lovely obstetrician,
Simone, to an even lovelier midwife – Renee. She is very calm, casual and incredibly
intelligent. We all clicked very quickly and she was very patient with some of
my excitement/nervousness.
---side note --- I wrote the above on the 24th,
it is now the 26th.
The weekend before your birth we waited patiently to see if
you wanted to start your journey but it was more of the same semi-contractions
that didn’t progress. We decided that we would go and see Renee on Monday
morning to see how you were going and I was a little anxious about you getting
so comfortable in there that you didn’t want to come Earth side. Renee did a
Bishop score and it turned out that you were 11/13 which meant that you were
well on your way to meeting us. Your Mum was 3-4cm dilated and as usual you
were still in prime position. As I had taken the morning off work we thought we
would get a sweet treat and hot beverages from our favourite spot. We enjoyed
this at home and talked about what the rest of the day would entail. I
contemplated staying home for the rest of the day but somehow knew that I
needed to tidy a few things up at work so I could be 100% present for your
arrival.
I got home to see your wonderful mum and we spent the afternoon
catching up on the couple hours we were apart. We took Geo on an evening walk
and ended the walk visiting the ever so lovely Linh at her work. I made your
mum a pretty epic dinner – something in me knew that it was going to be a long
night and so needed to get food into her system. I also started setting up the
birth pool just in case we were in for a long night – most of the house was set
up with the lounge and dining room rearranged to include the birth pool, double
mattress, yoga matts and gym ball.
We took another walk late at night just
before bed and joked about Mum’s water breaking on the street.
It wasn’t long until we were ready in bed. We decided that
we would read one of the letters out of the calm birth book we got from the calm
birth weekend. Your mum read maybe half a paragraph when she threw the book and
said that she was having contractions. I asked Renee that morning how do you
know you’re having contractions because everyone says “you just know”. Mum’s
water broke and her first contraction started straight away – it was 10:00pm.
She had one more in the bedroom and then we made our way to the toilet. Her
waters leaked and the rest of her mucus plug made its way out. I sent a bunch
of text messages and a photo to Renee at 10:17pm to let her know that active
labour had started and she called back right away. Contractions were about 3
minutes apart (I started using an app to help time it but then realised it was
stupid because it was all happening so quickly – we have decided we didn’t have
the usual labour with drawn out stages – it was pretty much Hollywood – waters
break, active labour, baby and placenta).
I called Renee at 11:06pm as contractions were very close
together and longer. Renee was on her way – huzzah and she told me to start filling
the birth pool. While Renee was on her way your mum the amazing woman that she
is continued to work through her contractions. When it was possible I set up
the Tens machine, candles, lighting and your Spotify playlist.
I don’t remember the time Renee arrived but when she did we
were on the mattress in the living room breathing through the contractions
(although turns out you can’t really breathe through a birth – you actually
need to push). The contractions were basically happening one after the other
and it wasn’t long before Meredith our second midwife arrived. When both
midwives arrived Geo greeted them with great happiness as he would check on
your mum frequently and now he was most likely relieved of his duty as dogla
(doula). Once both midwives arrived and everything looked like it was a-ok Geo
retired to bed somehow knowing that being away and getting rest was the best
place to be.
---take 3 it is now Sunday 3rd June---
I must admit there were a couple times I wish I
could have
traded places with your mum to give her some relief. She was in such incredible
pain and her sounds were primal. She kind of went into this different state and
was very much focused on getting you earth side. I tried my best to coach her
to get her to breath, to visualise our happy places and gently talk her through
what was happening. I held her and she held onto me. There really wasn’t much
time when we weren’t touching. I tried my best to keep her hydrated which was a
difficult task given that she was preoccupied – at some points I thought about
how we had skipped so many stages of labour which threw me off my notes from
our calmbirth classes – notes that I had written in liquid marker on our bifold
doors. I was however very grateful for our midwives who were in the background
taking notes, checking your heart beat, checking on your mum and when needed
coaching your mum. We started off on the mattress in the lounge room and then
your mum requested for the birth pool which wasn’t quite ready at her first
request. Your mum was in the birth pool for a couple hours and I sat and
kneeled outside of it holding your mum in my arms. I poured warm water on her
back, stroked her and kept my face as close to hers as possible. She tried a
number of different positions but you just weren’t keen on the water. Although
I did get to see your head in the reflection of Renee’s hand mirror. She
announced that you had so much hair and indeed you do! Things certainly needed
to accelerate and so we moved back to the mattress not before trying a position
where your mum was standing and I was holding her up – I had my fingers crossed
that gravity would help – not this time. On the mattress we tried a couple
positions but it was still not happening. So we moved to the couch where I sat
and held your mum and she squatted between my legs. The time had come that
Renee suggested an episiotomy. This was something that I know your mum had been
avoiding and I was impressed that she agreed but then again it had almost been
6.5 hours of second stage labour. Renee made the cuts and you came out so
quickly and with a roar. You breathed in deeply and let out a cry that lasted a
couple minutes. Your mum held you close to her chest and you settled very
quickly. I felt immense relief and breathed deeply. You were so beautiful. You
had almost no vernix, you had such a content resting face and it felt like I
already knew you. When you roared Geo ran out from the wherever he was. He
sniffed you right away and checked on your mum. For the rest of the evening he
stood a little afar from you and gently approached you and your mum for sniffs.
Much like how he behaves around you now.
We returned back to the mattress where your mum was met with
lots of towels and pillows. You still resting on her chest. At this point it
was time for your placenta to be delivered. This is the part that is never
shown in Hollywood films. As exhausted as your mum was she took about two
pushes and your placenta and a giant blood clot came out. It didn’t take long
for your placenta to stop pumping nutrients to you which meant it was time for
me to cut your chord. Everything felt right.
I’m grateful we were able to have a homebirth. I am grateful
for our birth team. Most of all I am in absolute awe of your mum and I’m so
lucky to have both of you in my life.
Lots of love,
Mama
SIDE NOTE: for everyone else reading this. It is incredibly
important that you understand there was a lot of preparation that went into
this birth. Catelyn diligently attended physiotherapy and completed the
necessary exercises routinely, during the third trimester she booked in a few pregnancy
massages, we listened to many birth story podcasts. We also started care with
our midwife company at 8 weeks, continued monthly appointments with Renee and
then weekly appointments a month out from the due date and as mentioned
attended a calm birth weekend. I cannot stress the amazing care provided by our
midwife and at the time of birth our second midwife. These appointments,
building trust and I would say a friendship contributed to removing my nervousness
and allowed me as a support person to feel empowered. I attended most
appointments and the very few I missed, Catelyn and I would debrief in detail.
It has been a wild ride and I’m incredibly pleased that I have taken a month
off work to be able to soak everything in AND also have Renee, Meredith and the
team continue supporting us.
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