Hugo's birth story - Mum's perspective
30/5/18
They say sleep when baby sleeps... But right now Moneth is sleeping with Hugo and I want them to have this time together.
It is 8 days and 7 hours since I gave birth. I want to try and record the story as I know it will change in my mind over time. I want to remember it raw. This story is important. It is mine, and Hugo's and Moneth's. It would have helped me to read a story like ours.
Before getting pregnant I was adamant in having a home birth. My siblings and I were all born at home and I knew with my past trauma it was where I would feel safest.
At first home birth was scary for Moneth, but she loved and trusted me enough to find out more. After some careful searching we found My Midwives and decided to go with this clinic and our midwife Renee. We would see her monthly and then weekly as we got closer. Renee was relaxed and easy going in her care - giving non biased advice and information.
Moneth was happy with this one-on-one continued care and felt safe that two midwives would be at the birth. We read birth stories and listened to podcasts. We went to a Calm Birth weekend class and while we did not get to use the techniques taught, Moneth left feeling capable and ready.
We decided not to tell anyone we planned to have a home birth. We didn't want anyone's negativity or fears to deal with. We knew we could do it. We knew it would be important and healing.
After undergoing almost a year of fertility treatments and going through the physical and emotional journey of IVF, my soul craved and needed an intimate and natural birth experience - Moneth and I together bringing our baby into the world. I could not have a clinical birth. I could not risk augmentation or intervention.
I have learned to better listen to my heart, soul and gut and it has made me a better mother.
My pregnancy was quite easy - I did need a lot of physio but I followed the protocol and so remained very mobile until the end. My first trimester saw me projectile vomiting and bursting blood vessels in my face - this lasted for around 18 weeks.
When 39 weeks hit I immediately felt uncomfortable. I kept thinking I was in early labour for the next few weeks. My midwife would say I just had painful braxton hicks. We know now that they were doing something though, in a very very slow and drawn out way.
At 40 weeks and 6 days we went to see Renee for a check and a stretch and sweep at 9am. When checked I was already at 4 cm dilated and my waters could be felt. I scored an 11/13 on the bishop test. Renee said she normally awarded a 3/13 or a 6/13. Things seemed ready to go.
Moneth and I went to our favourite cafe afterwards to get drinks and donuts. We took them home to share. I had very light contractions all day every 5 to 10 minutes - I thought these were just more braxton hicks. Moneth went to work to tidy up any loose ends. We knew it would be soon.
I cleaned the house and sewed some last minute things we needed. I was calm all day, napped and kept busy. It was getting late and nothing had happened so we decided to get ready for bed and read calm birth stories in bed.
10pm.
I started reading the first story out loud - before I could finish I felt a pop and then had my first big contraction. Lucky I had Modibodi period underwear on as my waters came fast. I soaked a maternity pad in minutes. I was not leaving the toilet.
I sat on the toilet for 15-20 minutes emptying my bowels and contracting hard every 3 minutes. I couldn't leave the bathroom. I closed the door and continued in the dark for a few contractions. This was my whole 'established labour' period.
With effort I managed to make it out onto the couch for 1 contraction and then onto the mattress where I pulled a blanket over my whole body and head. I think this 'cubby' was my transition. It was only 10.30pm and I already felt like crawling out of my body.
Second stage hit hard for 6 hours. I had no concept of time. At this point my contractions were on top of each other without a break. They started at the top and sloped down before being immediately at the top again. I had moments at the bottom of a contraction to try and get air back in my lungs.
This was not the labour we had prepared for. No time for our practiced breathing techniques or plans to change positions. We had planned to bake Hugo a birthday cake in early stage... Planned to eat and drink every hour... But that was not possible.
I laboured on the mattress hard, towel pressed between my legs, roaring and crying and barely opening my eyes.
When my midwife came in we briefly made eye contact and she sat near me on the mattress. Moneth was filling the pool in brief moments away from me. I would occasionally manage to point at it - checking if it was time. For this time my body was involuntarily pushing - with each contraction I could feel more and more waters gushing out... Lucky we had a mattress protector on.
Eventually the time had come and I could get in the pool. Being submerged in warm water was a nicer way to labour then out in the air. I roared some more - unable to change position. The second midwife, Meredith, came at some point around here.
My midwife offered to check me - I could barely respond so instead she had me check myself. I could feel baby's head about an inch in - I indicated this with my fingers. I was then directed how to push. Hold my breath and bear down as long as I could through every contraction. My body didn't tell me to push but I trusted my team and followed. I checked again and his head was more like 1cm deep.
Renee was able to see his head. She told Moneth there was lots of hair. I was in so much pain that I could barely manage a conscious thought, luckily Moneth was with me the whole time. I don't know how but somehow she managed to think of things to say for all of those long hours. She reminded me of our favourite holiday destinations - I remember her say Lake Como a lot - a beautiful location in Italy where we kissed atop a mountain as a purple sunset sky surrounded us. Her calm and steady voice gave me something to focus on. She helped me feel grounded and I think her voice and her touch was the only way I was able to stay in my body. She stayed in physical contact with me almost constantly. I think she only left once to pee. I remember her warm face next to mine.
The midwives kept checking his heart beat - in the pool it was not working very well. They had me change positions in the pool. I needed help. I had been pushing this whole time. Renee and Meredith didn't think he was progressing in the pool and had me get out. It took 3 people and 3 contractions to get to the mattress.
I asked 'What can I do?' I had my legs pressed against our midwives and kept pushing. The whole time his head was right there trying to come out. It took several contractions and everyone to move me again. This time Moneth sat on the couch and I crouched in front of her. I kept pushing harder and harder. The midwives said I had to move into a squat, I said 'I need help.' With help I got both legs up.
I kept pushing harder and harder. He was coming all the way out. My midwife said she felt we needed an episiotomy. This had been my biggest fear about birth. I had committed to trusting my team so consented. I pressed my face into Moneth while it happened.
On my next contraction I felt his head come out. I felt his shoulders and arms rotate around and slip out - all very smooth and slippery. Straight away he was put on my chest.
I could barely look at him from my body shaking so much. Most of the labour I had been shaking all over. I was sweaty and shaky and exhausted.
I remember thinking during the labour; 'I just want a break.' I remember thinking about how in a hospital I would have taken pain relief. I remember thinking how a c-section would have been easier. But I also thought 'This is best for him.'
And then there he was. Roaring loudly with his incredible, healthy lungs. His eyes were alert. I just held him against me. Both slippery, both in shock.
The top of his little head was soft and swollen from being stuck half out so long. With help we moved to the mattress again. When I mustered enough energy I gave some little pushes and birthed the placenta and a baseball sized clot.
My poor bum and vagina felt so sore as I lay there shaking, covered in sweat holding my baby. The area was so overworked I couldn't even feel the local anaesthetic go in. My second midwife stitched a very long time. I had a graze and a big internal tear that almost reached my bum - the episiotomy happened just in time.
Hugo fed and I finally caught my breath. We just talked about pubic hair trends and joked and relaxed (while getting stitched). My midwife said my perineum was white and stretched as far as it could go.
Meredith helped me to shower while Moneth held Hugo skin to skin and he got weighed.
The three of us settled into bed together while our wonderful midwives cleaned everything up. Birth is messy. Moneth and I had talked about our happy places. For the 8 years of our relationship our happiest moments have been curled up snuggling in bed in the mornings. Creating visualisations surrounding our birth I had always pictured the three of us curled up in bed after birthing at home - amazing that this came to fruition.
It was the hardest 6.5 hours of my life. I knew the second he was born I would do all the IUIs, all the IVF, all the pregnancy, all the labour, all the pushing 100 times over, 1000 times over, to hold him.
I could not have gotten through this journey without Moneth. Through every IUI, all the IVF injections, recovery from egg collection, pregnancy highs and lows and that intense hard labour and birth Moneth was there holding my hand. There is no one else in the world I would rather Mum with. She is my favourite person and I cannot wait to parent our beautiful son with her. I catch myself thinking about our family a lot - how incredible that our love and determination created this beautiful and wonderful new human being.
Hugo Max Morningstar-Montemayor 4.26am May 22nd, 2018
*This took 10 days to write between feeds, sleeps and diapers. Already typing this from my journal 23 days after birth the memory of the pain and intensity of the contractions has softened and nearly disappeared. The only physical reminders of pregnancy left are a softer tummy and some healing stitches.
They say sleep when baby sleeps... But right now Moneth is sleeping with Hugo and I want them to have this time together.
It is 8 days and 7 hours since I gave birth. I want to try and record the story as I know it will change in my mind over time. I want to remember it raw. This story is important. It is mine, and Hugo's and Moneth's. It would have helped me to read a story like ours.
Before getting pregnant I was adamant in having a home birth. My siblings and I were all born at home and I knew with my past trauma it was where I would feel safest.
At first home birth was scary for Moneth, but she loved and trusted me enough to find out more. After some careful searching we found My Midwives and decided to go with this clinic and our midwife Renee. We would see her monthly and then weekly as we got closer. Renee was relaxed and easy going in her care - giving non biased advice and information.
Moneth was happy with this one-on-one continued care and felt safe that two midwives would be at the birth. We read birth stories and listened to podcasts. We went to a Calm Birth weekend class and while we did not get to use the techniques taught, Moneth left feeling capable and ready.
We decided not to tell anyone we planned to have a home birth. We didn't want anyone's negativity or fears to deal with. We knew we could do it. We knew it would be important and healing.
I have learned to better listen to my heart, soul and gut and it has made me a better mother.
My pregnancy was quite easy - I did need a lot of physio but I followed the protocol and so remained very mobile until the end. My first trimester saw me projectile vomiting and bursting blood vessels in my face - this lasted for around 18 weeks.
When 39 weeks hit I immediately felt uncomfortable. I kept thinking I was in early labour for the next few weeks. My midwife would say I just had painful braxton hicks. We know now that they were doing something though, in a very very slow and drawn out way.
Moneth and I went to our favourite cafe afterwards to get drinks and donuts. We took them home to share. I had very light contractions all day every 5 to 10 minutes - I thought these were just more braxton hicks. Moneth went to work to tidy up any loose ends. We knew it would be soon.
I cleaned the house and sewed some last minute things we needed. I was calm all day, napped and kept busy. It was getting late and nothing had happened so we decided to get ready for bed and read calm birth stories in bed.
10pm.
I started reading the first story out loud - before I could finish I felt a pop and then had my first big contraction. Lucky I had Modibodi period underwear on as my waters came fast. I soaked a maternity pad in minutes. I was not leaving the toilet.
I sat on the toilet for 15-20 minutes emptying my bowels and contracting hard every 3 minutes. I couldn't leave the bathroom. I closed the door and continued in the dark for a few contractions. This was my whole 'established labour' period.
With effort I managed to make it out onto the couch for 1 contraction and then onto the mattress where I pulled a blanket over my whole body and head. I think this 'cubby' was my transition. It was only 10.30pm and I already felt like crawling out of my body.
Second stage hit hard for 6 hours. I had no concept of time. At this point my contractions were on top of each other without a break. They started at the top and sloped down before being immediately at the top again. I had moments at the bottom of a contraction to try and get air back in my lungs.
This was not the labour we had prepared for. No time for our practiced breathing techniques or plans to change positions. We had planned to bake Hugo a birthday cake in early stage... Planned to eat and drink every hour... But that was not possible.
I laboured on the mattress hard, towel pressed between my legs, roaring and crying and barely opening my eyes.
When my midwife came in we briefly made eye contact and she sat near me on the mattress. Moneth was filling the pool in brief moments away from me. I would occasionally manage to point at it - checking if it was time. For this time my body was involuntarily pushing - with each contraction I could feel more and more waters gushing out... Lucky we had a mattress protector on.
Eventually the time had come and I could get in the pool. Being submerged in warm water was a nicer way to labour then out in the air. I roared some more - unable to change position. The second midwife, Meredith, came at some point around here.
My midwife offered to check me - I could barely respond so instead she had me check myself. I could feel baby's head about an inch in - I indicated this with my fingers. I was then directed how to push. Hold my breath and bear down as long as I could through every contraction. My body didn't tell me to push but I trusted my team and followed. I checked again and his head was more like 1cm deep.
The midwives kept checking his heart beat - in the pool it was not working very well. They had me change positions in the pool. I needed help. I had been pushing this whole time. Renee and Meredith didn't think he was progressing in the pool and had me get out. It took 3 people and 3 contractions to get to the mattress.
I asked 'What can I do?' I had my legs pressed against our midwives and kept pushing. The whole time his head was right there trying to come out. It took several contractions and everyone to move me again. This time Moneth sat on the couch and I crouched in front of her. I kept pushing harder and harder. The midwives said I had to move into a squat, I said 'I need help.' With help I got both legs up.
I kept pushing harder and harder. He was coming all the way out. My midwife said she felt we needed an episiotomy. This had been my biggest fear about birth. I had committed to trusting my team so consented. I pressed my face into Moneth while it happened.
On my next contraction I felt his head come out. I felt his shoulders and arms rotate around and slip out - all very smooth and slippery. Straight away he was put on my chest.
I could barely look at him from my body shaking so much. Most of the labour I had been shaking all over. I was sweaty and shaky and exhausted.
I remember thinking during the labour; 'I just want a break.' I remember thinking about how in a hospital I would have taken pain relief. I remember thinking how a c-section would have been easier. But I also thought 'This is best for him.'
And then there he was. Roaring loudly with his incredible, healthy lungs. His eyes were alert. I just held him against me. Both slippery, both in shock.
My poor bum and vagina felt so sore as I lay there shaking, covered in sweat holding my baby. The area was so overworked I couldn't even feel the local anaesthetic go in. My second midwife stitched a very long time. I had a graze and a big internal tear that almost reached my bum - the episiotomy happened just in time.
Hugo fed and I finally caught my breath. We just talked about pubic hair trends and joked and relaxed (while getting stitched). My midwife said my perineum was white and stretched as far as it could go.
Meredith helped me to shower while Moneth held Hugo skin to skin and he got weighed.
The three of us settled into bed together while our wonderful midwives cleaned everything up. Birth is messy. Moneth and I had talked about our happy places. For the 8 years of our relationship our happiest moments have been curled up snuggling in bed in the mornings. Creating visualisations surrounding our birth I had always pictured the three of us curled up in bed after birthing at home - amazing that this came to fruition.
It was the hardest 6.5 hours of my life. I knew the second he was born I would do all the IUIs, all the IVF, all the pregnancy, all the labour, all the pushing 100 times over, 1000 times over, to hold him.
I could not have gotten through this journey without Moneth. Through every IUI, all the IVF injections, recovery from egg collection, pregnancy highs and lows and that intense hard labour and birth Moneth was there holding my hand. There is no one else in the world I would rather Mum with. She is my favourite person and I cannot wait to parent our beautiful son with her. I catch myself thinking about our family a lot - how incredible that our love and determination created this beautiful and wonderful new human being.
Hugo Max Morningstar-Montemayor 4.26am May 22nd, 2018
*This took 10 days to write between feeds, sleeps and diapers. Already typing this from my journal 23 days after birth the memory of the pain and intensity of the contractions has softened and nearly disappeared. The only physical reminders of pregnancy left are a softer tummy and some healing stitches.
Fertility clinic - Rainbow Fertility Dr Simone Campbell
Pregnancy/postnatal massage - Catherine Dore
Homeopathy for labour and recovery - Optimal health and wellness
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